Abbu

 So another year has gone by..... yes you r still living in me Abbu....

My heart jumps a little when someone asks, “so, where do your parents live or any question about you guys?” Some days I acknowledge you’ve passed, and other days I  say something generic. I sometimes get desperate with the feeling  of  time travel  to fix the damage. Through out my life I made many mistakes  and I was able to discussed them  with you. You were more like a friend of mine. We have had tons of talks after Ammi. We came very close to each other. We both were looking after each other to ease the pain. 

Those unstoppable, pain full circumstances broke us into pieces, and I'm still looking for that missing piece of courageI i had  lost in me at that very time. And I'm still retrieving that shattered piece of my heart . Im just amazed to know that, Sometimes we find love from the people & places we least expect. The same goes for hatred.....

I celebrate your life every day by doing the things you loved — I have disciplined my routine in such a way you would love to see it. . I start my morning 5:20 AM and stay on my  feet whole day happily till mid night. Im glad to see the same discipline in Ali and i believe that it all came from you...I miss talking to you for endless hours about what I’m thinking or what’s happening in the news or tv shows. I missed you so much when  Peter Michael Falk  ( Lieutenant Frank Columbo ) and Michael Jackson died... I miss watching that "Columbo" show with you a million times....But you would be happy that I have a partner and beautiful children in my life, whom I can continue these conversations and activities, wether its about an article or a book to read or any good show to watch or music to enjoy...

Ali and Asad help me get through life. They are what keeps me going. 

When you left me, everything was just Dark..... Till Ali came into my life.... He lights my way....very well rounded,  disciplined, full of fun, and a strong boy. Alhumdollillah...  So does Asad. Both of them.... They both reflects each other.. And shine my way...

I always feel you around me.

I continue to be a pillar of strength. You’d be so proud ,I pushed myself through 20 years to work hard, to be happy, and to go after what my family needs. I kept encouraging myself to do what will make you happy. We’re standing healthy and happy today because of the dream you had for all of us siblings....

I don't know what would you think of the lives we’re living? I will never know the answers. But, I am sure of this: you lived the best years you could. You never took anything or anyone for granted. You owned everything you had. You treated your family well.

People say time makes coping with loss easier. I agree that it does, but I have to say that my aches and anger don’t go away with time. I miss you every day. I believe that I will miss you for the rest of my life. Seems like I'm still processing this anger and pain in me...

...